As I write this I find myself angry with Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson singing has defined snapshots of my life like a photo album. As lead singer of the Jackson 5, my Saturday mornings were made perfect by Sugar Corn Pops, learning about Conjunction Junction, and watching the Jackson 5 cartoon show.
As a teen age girl, it was my best friend Tracey who adored Michael Jackson. Her room was plastered with his pictures. My room was plastered with Prince. Mike was in a yellow cardigan, with a wholesome smile; Prince was in a bikini standing in the shower. I laugh thinking how our choices in men would follow us into adulthood. But Tracey possessed all things Michael. Notebooks, posters, magazines, whatever propaganda she could get her hands on with his smiling face she was soon to be in possession of.
And it is because of her love for all things Michael that I was able to see him perform. The day Tracey’s mother gave birth to her little brother; her Step-father stopped by the hospital, and then took us to see the Jacksons! This was during the time of “Can You Feel It”, which soon became on of my favorite songs.
So when I heard the buzz that something could be wrong with Michael. I didn’t’ know what to make of it. I work at a newspaper, and as I left I asked one of the editors “what in the world is going on” and she confirmed that the rumors were indeed true. Something was wrong with Michael. By the time I drove home the story had been confirmed by one radio station after another that Michael Jackson…the King of Pop – was dead at the age of 50.
I found myself more wrapped up in keeping friend Tracey updated with the details as they poured in, as my mind was still in ‘work’ mode.
It would take days for this tragedy to sink in and pierce my heart. Days of watching the world weep on television. Days of hearing the media find the most subliminal way to get their dirt into the story. Days of seeing every music video and news piece air in heavy rotation.
And I tweet. I talk. And when I feel I chose to avoid.
Why do I care he passed away? He would never know my name. We would never chat on the phone. Our kids would never play together. And still, his passing has impacted me and my emotions as deeply as a family member. And to be honest, this impact has surprised and confused me, and gives me a tremendous amount of empathy for those that did know him personally.
The day after Michael’s passing, I was listening to the radio. Donnie Simpson was interviewing Usher. In the middle of Usher responding to a question, he lost all composure and wept heavily. He wept as a man with a hurt over losing a dear friend. Immediately after the interview I heard “Looking Through the Window” which is definitely one of my top favorite songs. This one two- punch was all I needed to lose possession of my tears. Alone in my car, I wept for the first time over Michael. Not a cute composed cry. A Halle Berry winning the Oscar ugly cry.
Mike’s passing is more than an entertainer dying. He was the soundtrack to every moment in my life. Upon any song with his, and I can tell you how life was from childhood to adulthood. Without evening knowing it, he was some sort of anchor in my life. This is probably the source of my anger.
I want to write “he wasn’t supposed to die yet”. But I do believe that our Creator has a reason for all. I feel that Michael was still on his journey. And in this phase of life he was suppose to collect his lessons and move on, survive, and one day share the wisdom collected. It is near impossible to accept that this is the way Mike’s life was supposed to end. I suppose it would be more accurate to say hurt and frustration instead of anger. My confession is I was not ready for Michael to pass.
The soul lives on. I believe this completely. Michael Jackson has known fame, fortune, chaos, confusion, and love….and now peace. I do not care for the phrase “Rest in Peace”. I believe our souls soar in abundance when we pass from here. So with that, I will make one request: Live in Peace! Michael Jackson, Live in Peace!
Note: Here are some blogs from writers who I admire, I am going to read their Michael pieces, but needed to write before I read. I know I am going to like them a lot, and wanted to share, as I'm sure you will also. Peace & Love...
- * Kim Wayans: http://kimwayans.com/blog/
Posts
8 comments:
That was great. Especially the part about the ugly Halle Berry cry. I doubt it was ugly but I know what you mean.
I also totally agree with you when you say his songs were a soundtrack to your life ma. The night he died I shed tears and then thought, "What would Michael do? " He would write about his pain. So thats what I did and this came out...
http://www.zshare.net/audio/62116633cd77b2d0/
This was very honest. What more can I say then that :)
Very well put.
Very nice. So true - I don't know why I care so much either.
@Timothy- the link didn't come over. Feel free to email me. I would like to check it out.
@Dina & Rashad - Thank you so much for taking the time to share this sad moment in time with me.
@Vicky- Yeah...this one threw me through a loop. My emotions are all over the place bouncing between confusion & hurt.
Thanks for writing this. You may have read my blog that I wrote at 1:00 AM after hearing of the news of MJ making his transistion. He was my first love and much of my entertainment career was shaped by a little Black boy who encouraged me to be all I could be. I will always love Michael Jackson and I am at peace now because I know that he is finally at peac!.
Michelle,
Thanks so much for such a thorough account of what Michael Jackson meant to me and what affect he became to have on you. I was so happy to see you post my favorite "poster picture" of him in that yellow cardigan. It was as if I was back in my room and I could see that very poster in just the right spot. You did a great job expressing the emotional lost of a phenomenal artist and entertainer. There will never be another M.J.
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